I realized a few days ago that I’ve become depressed since my gallbladder surgery. (I’ve fought depression my entire life, though not many outside my immediate friend group would know that.) When I’m depressed, I just quietly sit and stare, and my life and heart feel very “blank.”
I had my emergency surgery, everything went well, I came home, and I’ve been recovering well, so I have no reason to be depressed, but sometimes, when I’m alone for any length of time, and recovering keeps me tired and uninspired, I find myself drawn into a very blank, empty state of mind that I have a hard time putting into words.
I’ve tried to push through this for the past three days now, but instead, I’ve just been sitting here, staring aimlessly, and wondering why I feel this way. Sometimes, the best way to push through it is to “fake it ’til you make it.”
So finally, around 3pm today, I said to myself, “Enough!” I took a long, hot shower, washed and dried my hair, put on clean clothes (instead of staying in my nightgown all day) and went for a fairly long walk with my upright rollator. It’s 77 degrees, sunny, and bright here today, and I let the sun and its warmth surround me.
I felt the sun surround me, and before I knew it, I was smiling and feeling good. Never underestimate “faking it until you make it.” Sometimes, your soul is begging to be happy, but you just can’t find the way to start. That fake smile turns into pure joy before you even realize it.
