Accessibility Is a Leadership Decision

Accessibility Does Not Mean Everything for Everyone

Accessibility does not require that every space be usable by every person with every possible disability, nor has that ever been the standard. Absolute accessibility is neither realistic nor necessary. The relevant question for leaders is not whether perfection is possible, but whether reasonable and foreseeable barriers are being left in place without justification.

A rock-climbing wall, for example, cannot be made accessible to a person without upper or lower limb function without ceasing to be a climbing wall. These are legitimate limits and acknowledging them is not discrimination. It is clarity.

This image is titled the "Cycle of Exclusion & Invisibility."  It shows a four-part cycle.  First, the disabled people are unable to participate due to lack of accessibility.  Second, disable people are not visible at events (because they cannot access them.)  Third, people assume disabled people do not want to participate (since they never seem them there.)  Fourth, people believe there is no need to consider disbled people or to provide accessibiity (since they never see them at events) and this returns to the original part of the cycle, that disabled people are unable to participate due to a lack of accessibility.

Most public spaces and civic functions, however, do not fall into this category. Meeting rooms, polling places, sidewalks, libraries, schools, parks, public hearings, and community events lose nothing by being designed or renovated to be accessible. In these settings, barriers such as stairs without ramps, hallways being used for storage that makes them inaccessible for mobility-impaired people, meetings without captions or interpreters, inaccessible seating, or restrooms that cannot be utilized by wheelchair users do not serve the function of the space at all. They simply exclude people.

The False Dilemma of “You Can’t Include Everyone”

When leaders argue that “you cannot include everyone,” they often confuse real limitations with design choices that could easily be changed. This framing creates a false dilemma that justifies inaction. The appropriate standard is inclusion wherever access does not interfere with the intended function of the space, and exclusion only where that function would be fundamentally altered.

Doing nothing about accessibility is still a decision about who gets to participate. It is a policy decision that prioritizes convenience, tradition, or cost over participation. Effective leadership treats accessibility as infrastructure rather than accommodation, assumes disabled people will be present, and removes barriers that exist only because no one in authority bothered to question them.

The Problem with “Accessibility Reactions”

But another way of not planning for accessibility is by doing “accessibility reactions.” Accessibility reactions are when new or modified accessibility is determined only by requests from a single family seeking a modification for one specific disabled child, family member, or small, yet vocal advocacy group. Leaders and front-end staff should of course respond with care and urgency when a need is raised, but the request should also trigger a broader question: is this an isolated situation, or is it a visible symptom of a larger access gap that affects many disabled people?

If accessibility is handled only through one-off requests, communities risk investing time and money in highly specialized solutions that serve one person while leaving larger, more basic barriers untouched. That approach can create the appearance of inclusion while continuing to exclude a far greater number of people from essential services, public participation, and civic life.

Baseline Access Must Come First

A better approach is to look for baseline access barriers first and then layering individualized accommodations on top of that foundation when needed. For example, a city might install a wheelchair-accessible swing at one park to meet the needs of a child who uses a heavy electric wheelchair. That may be a meaningful improvement for that family, but it does not address the larger question of whether wheelchair users can access the pavilions at any of the parks, whether there is usable seating throughout the space, or whether restrooms and pathways are truly accessible.

Similarly, holding a major public meeting in a venue where the only seating is bleachers sends a clear message about who is expected to attend. Even if staff are willing to “make adjustments” on request, the default setup already excludes wheelchair users and others who cannot use bleachers. If leaders want participation, access cannot be optional, improvised, or dependent on individuals having to ask for what should have been anticipated.

When Easy Fixes Replace Real Solutions

Too often, community leaders are willing to address accessibility issues that are easy, visible, and politically safe, while avoiding harder, more systemic barriers that require coordination, enforcement, or internal conflict. Installing a ramp in a location where there is ample space and minimal pushback may be straightforward.

Addressing the fact that on-street parallel parking is the only parking available, making access impossible for wheelchair users, is not. Enforcing laws against residents who block sidewalks with parked cars is not. When people park across sidewalks so they can fit more vehicles into their driveways, they block access not only for wheelchair users, but also for people using rollators, parents with strollers, and others with mobility needs.

Yet these violations are often ignored because enforcing them would require police departments, public works, and local leadership to prioritize accessibility over convenience. When a police chief dismisses parking enforcement by claiming there are more important things to do, the result is predictable. Disabled people are the ones who lose access to essential meetings, services, and civic life.

Internal power struggles and departmental avoidance may be invisible to the public, but their impact is not. When leaders fail to resolve these conflicts, accessibility becomes optional, and people with disabilities pay the price.

When Accessibility Exists Only on Paper

Another critical and often overlooked area is code enforcement. Many communities are diligent about regulating visible, easily measured requirements such as the number of designated accessible parking spaces in shopping centers, which are typically calculated by square footage and routinely inspected. These requirements are clear, familiar, and relatively easy to enforce.

Accessibility inside buildings, however, is far less consistently monitored. Small stores and boutiques often fill their spaces with merchandise to the point that aisles are too narrow for a wheelchair user, a person using a rollator, or someone with mobility limitations to even enter the store, let alone shop independently. Beauty shops and nail salons, particularly those that are independently owned rather than national chains, frequently create similar barriers. In an effort to maximize revenue, they install too many service stations or crowd their floors with product displays, leaving insufficient space for disabled customers to navigate safely or reach services. These barriers are rarely checked proactively. At best, they are addressed only after a complaint is filed, and even then, follow-up is inconsistent or incomplete.

The same pattern appears in restaurants and public buildings where accessible restrooms technically exist, but hallways leading to them are blocked by boxes, stacked chairs, or stored equipment. When access routes are obstructed, the presence of an accessible restroom becomes meaningless. In many retail stores, accessible changing rooms are routinely used for storage, filled with boxes of hangers, incoming stock waiting to be put out, or outgoing trash, rendering them unavailable to the people who need them.

In larger buildings, elevators that serve both the public and janitorial staff are frequently treated as storage or transport space. Trash bins, laundry carts, bundled linens, or bags of refuse are left inside, sometimes for extended periods. When this happens, a disabled person may be completely blocked from reaching another floor, with no way to alert staff or meeting participants that access has been cut off.

Outdoor access is undermined in similar ways. The striped access areas next to designated parking spaces are often blocked by motorcycles or street-legal golf carts. This can make it impossible for a wheelchair user to deploy a ramp or safely exit their vehicle. In some cases, people return to their cars only to find they must wait until the motorcycle or golf cart owner reappears, which is especially dangerous in extreme heat, high winds, or heavy rain. Sidewalks are also frequently obstructed by bicycles or scooters chained to poles and traffic signs, blocking passage for hours at a time. When this happens, disabled people who are stopped by the obstruction often have no practical way to resolve the situation.

In each of these cases, accessibility exists on paper but not in reality. Without consistent enforcement and clear accountability, basic access can be undone by everyday operational decisions. The result is predictable. People with disabilities are excluded from spaces and services they are legally entitled to use, not because access was impossible, but because maintaining it was not treated as a priority.

Rethinking “The Greatest Good for the Greatest Number”

For community leaders, the answer to accessibility cannot be reduced to the old adage of “doing the greatest good for the greatest number,” because that logic breaks down the moment disability is involved. If left unchallenged, it simply becomes a way to justify serving the largest non-disabled majority while treating disabled people as a secondary concern or an added expense. That is not sound leadership.

Accessibility is not about maximizing convenience for most people. It is about removing barriers that prevent entire groups from participating in shared civic life. The right question is not “who represents the largest group,” but “who is being prevented from entering, participating, or being heard at all.”

When leaders focus on removing the barriers that fully block participation, access decisions become clearer and more defensible. Designing for people who are most likely to be excluded almost always improves the experience for everyone else as well. Ramps also help parents with strollers and workers with carts. Clear signage benefits visitors and first-time attendees. Wider aisles reduce congestion and improve safety.

Accessibility works best when it is treated as a requirement for full participation, not as a favor or an exception. A community should be judged by whether people with the least power can take part without having to ask for special permission or extraordinary help.

Making Hard Choices with Limited Resources

Communities also have to acknowledge that accessibility decisions are made within real budget limits. City and county resources are not infinite, and leaders are often faced with difficult choices, such as whether to allocate funds to make one public building accessible or to direct those same funds toward improving access in a park, library, or transportation corridor.

These decisions are especially complex in historic communities, where many civic buildings were constructed long before accessibility standards existed. Stair-only entrances, inadequate or poorly placed ramps, buildings without elevators, and narrow interior layouts are common. Mixed-use neighborhoods further complicate the issue, with government offices, private homes, apartments, and businesses sharing limited on-street parking and constrained public space.

Acknowledging these constraints is necessary, but it cannot become a reason for inaction. Prioritization must be guided by impact.

Leaders should focus first on changes that open access to essential services, public decision-making, and daily civic participation for the greatest number of people. When budgets are limited, the question is not whether accessibility can be afforded everywhere at once, but whether investments are being directed where exclusion is most severe and consequences are highest.

In historic communities especially, thoughtful planning, phased improvements, and coordinated use of funds are essential to avoid preserving tradition at the expense of participation.

Accessibility as a Measure of Leadership

At its core, accessibility is a leadership decision. It reflects whose time, presence, and participation are valued enough to plan for in advance. Communities already make choices every day about where to invest, what to enforce, and which problems are considered urgent. Accessibility belongs in those decisions.

Accessibility is not achieved through good intentions or symbolic gestures. It is built through planning, enforcement, and follow-through. Communities that treat access as optional, reactive, or secondary inevitably create systems that work only for those already able to navigate them.

Communities that plan for access make a different choice. They recognize that participation in civic life is not a privilege reserved for those who can climb stairs, fit into narrow aisles, or advocate loudly for themselves. It is a shared responsibility. Leadership is not defined by how well a community preserves convenience or tradition, but by whether it makes room for people who have too often been pushed aside or left unheard.


Why Disabled People Are Still Shut Out of Leadership – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life

Why Disabled People Are Still Shut Out of Leadership

If you think ableism is just about rude comments or outdated language, you couldn’t be further from the truth. It runs far deeper than that. Ableism is structural. It is embedded in how our communities are designed and who is allowed to shape them.

You can see this most clearly when disabled people are shut out of leadership and decision-making roles—by the very glass ceilings and systemic inaccessibility that prevent us from rising into those positions in the first place. Yes, disabled people are sometimes “included,” but too often only as symbolic representation, limited to one narrow or convenient form of disability access.

These are not accidents. They are the predictable outcomes of excluding disabled people from authority and leadership.

This is what happens when disabled people are pushed to the margins instead of trusted as experts in our own lives. And it shows up everywhere.

  • No accessible entrances.
  • Accessible bathrooms used as storage for boxes and supplies.
  • Baby-changing tables mounted so high a wheelchair user couldn’t possibly reach them.
  • Inaccessible public meetings.
  • Housing policies built around a mythical “one size fits all.”
  • Services optimized for cost savings instead of human impact.
  • “Alzheimer’s” jokes tossed around casually.
  • Public meetings held without sign-language interpreters.
  • Schools without adapted facilities.
  • The R-word still being used as a punchline.

And the list goes on.

Ableism is so ingrained in our society that many people don’t even see it anymore. It’s normalized, excused, and minimized. Most people aren’t even aware they’re being ableist until someone points it out, often after harm has already occurred.

Representation cannot be merely symbolic. It is too important for that. Current statistics estimate that one in ten people has a disability. So why aren’t one in ten politicians disabled? Why aren’t one in ten CEOs disabled? If one in ten people has a disability, why are so few leaders disabled? 

And while there is no single, universally agreed-upon statistic for daily wheelchair use in the U.S., multiple sources estimate that approximately one in forty people use a wheelchair as their primary mobility device. When was the last time you saw a top politician or community leader who was a daily wheelchair user? What about community planners, landscape designers, or architectural designers? 

If one in approximately 40 people are wheelchair users, why isn’t a single member of the House of Representatives a daily wheelchair user?  Why is only one member of the Senate an occasional wheelchair user?  There are 535 voting members of Congress, and yet, only one is a wheelchair user. 

If Congress reflected the general U.S. population, you would expect about 13–14 daily wheelchair users among its members.  In reality, there is only one wheelchair user. 

Obviously, some professions have essential physical requirements that naturally exclude wheelchair users. You would not expect to find NFL players who are daily wheelchair users, nor active-duty firefighters, combat soldiers, roofers, or commercial airline pilots.

These are roles in which the core physical functions of the job genuinely cannot be performed from a wheelchair. This is not discrimination; it is reality. It would be no more reasonable than expecting a deaf and non-speaking person to be an opera singer, or a person missing both upper and lower limbs to be a rock climber.

There are, in fact, a small number of professions where essential physical requirements naturally exclude wheelchair users or people with other disabilities, but they are the exception, not the rule. Yet these few examples are routinely used to justify exclusion everywhere else.

When we talk about the absence of people with disabilities, community and political leadership do not fall into that category. Our leaders come from a wide range of backgrounds, professions, communities, and educational paths. These roles are not defined by physical endurance, speed, or mobility, but by judgment, experience, and the ability to serve

The absence of disabled leaders isn’t accidental. Leadership in the U.S. has long been built around an able-bodied ideal, and when disability appears, it’s either hidden, reframed, or erased. 

When disabled people are in leadership, systems shift. Barriers are anticipated instead of apologized for later. Access is built in, not patched on afterward. Exclusion is prevented, not explained away.

Nothing changes unless we, disabled people and those who support full accessibility, use our voices. Real change does not come from isolated stories spoken into the social-media void. It comes from collective pressure, shared advocacy, and disabled people showing up together where decisions are actually made — if we can get through the door, up the steps, or find accessible seating.


Reimagining Accessibility:  Undoing Ableism Among  Disabled and Medical Communities – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life

Reimagining Accessibility:  Undoing Ableism Among  Disabled and Medical Communities

Ableism is the assumption that being able-bodied or non-disabled is the default, the goal, or the standard everyone should be measured against. People who do not fit that mold are expected to adapt, work harder, or accept being excluded.

Ableism comes in many forms. It can be intentional or unintentional, external or internal, and it often appears as judgment, disbelief, or praise that comes with conditions. At its core, ableism is the belief that some bodies and abilities are more valuable than others.

Ableism is prevalent not only in the non-disabled part of society, but even among those with disabilities and within the medical community that interacts with them. One common form shows up as judgment. It often sounds like, “I have this disability and I manage to work, so she should be able to work too.”

This way of thinking assumes that all disabilities function the same way, that all bodies respond similarly to effort, and that outcomes are purely a matter of willpower. It ignores differences in severity, progression, pain, fatigue, comorbid conditions, and access to support. It also ignores the fact that some people are paying an enormous physical and emotional price for what they are managing to do.

Another deeply ingrained form of ableism is the belief that if you want something badly enough and are willing to work hard enough, you can achieve it. Many of us were raised on this idea. For people with disabilities, this belief can be especially damaging. Some push and push, convinced that if they just try harder, success will follow. Instead, they worsen their condition, exhaust themselves physically and emotionally, and slowly break their own spirit. When they fail, they blame themselves, because they truly believe success would have been possible if they had worked hard enough. That belief itself is ableist, even when it comes from within the disabled community.

Intentional ableism occurs when barriers are known and deliberately ignored or dismissed. This includes business owners who refuse to add ramps or accessible entrances because they believe it would ruin the appearance of a building, even though they understand it excludes wheelchair users.

It appears when employers decline to hire qualified candidates after learning they need accommodations, without ever discussing what support might make the job accessible. It shows up when events are consistently held in inaccessible spaces and disabled people are told they can look at photos later or simply miss out.

Intentional ableism also includes denying legally required accommodations because they are viewed as too costly or inconvenient, or framing disabled people as burdens rather than as members of the community. In many cases, accessibility features are added only after complaints or legal action, and even then are implemented in the most minimal way possible.

Another type of ableism is unintentional. Most unintentional ableism is not about being unkind. It comes from assumptions people do not even realize they are making. It can sound like telling someone, “If I can push through the pain, so can you,” without recognizing that another person’s body or condition works very differently. It appears when spaces are designed with stairs as the primary entrance and accessibility is treated as an afterthought, even though exclusion was never the intent.

Unintentional ableism includes praising disabled people for ordinary tasks because those activities are assumed to be extraordinary, or believing that assistive devices alone have solved accessibility problems. Comments like “You do not look disabled” are often meant as compliments but still reflect harmful assumptions. It also appears when activities are planned around long periods of walking or standing, and organizers are genuinely surprised when someone cannot participate.

A third type of ableism is external. External ableism comes from the world around us. It exists in systems, policies, environments, and interactions that assume non-disabled bodies and minds are the norm. It includes buildings designed with stairs as the main entrance, workplaces that measure productivity without accounting for pain or fatigue, and public spaces that technically meet accessibility requirements but are still functionally unusable.

External ableism also shows up in attitudes, such as questioning whether someone truly needs accommodations, assuming disability limits intelligence or worth, or praising disabled people only when they appear to overcome their limitations in ways that make others comfortable. These messages are reinforced through social expectations, media portrayals, and institutional practices that treat disabled people as exceptions rather than as part of the population.

The fourth type of ableism is internal. Internal ableism happens when cultural beliefs about productivity, independence, and worth are absorbed and turned inward by people with disabilities themselves. It can look like believing you should be able to do something because others with similar diagnoses can, even when your body is clearly telling you otherwise. It shows up as guilt for resting, shame for needing help, or pushing past safe limits because you were taught that effort equals worth.

Internal ableism can also mean minimizing your own needs, delaying the use of assistive devices because they feel like a sign of failure, or blaming yourself when accommodations are necessary. Over time, this pressure erodes self-trust and self-compassion, leaving people feeling inadequate for limitations that are not personal failings.

Disabled people are often just as affected by external and internal ableism as their non-disabled peers because they grow up in the same ableist society as everyone else. Long before a disability is acquired, recognized, or diagnosed, most people absorb cultural messages that equate productivity with worth, independence with success, and limitation with failure.

Those beliefs do not disappear simply because someone becomes disabled. Instead, they are carried forward and applied both to yourself and to others with disabilities. When disabled people judge another person’s limitations, compare coping strategies, or assume that effort should lead to the same outcomes for everyone, they are often drawing on standards they were taught long before they had reason to question them.

Many disabled people have also been rewarded for acting as if they were able-bodied for as long as they could. Pushing through pain, minimizing symptoms, and avoiding accommodations are often praised by teachers, employers, doctors, and even loved ones.

Over time, this reinforcement teaches people that acceptance comes from appearing capable and low-maintenance. When those expectations can no longer be met, discomfort, judgment, or resentment often follow. This fuels external ableism toward others with disabilities and deepens internal ableism directed inward.

There is also fear at the center of this. Disability is unpredictable, and progression or decline can be deeply frightening. Judging another disabled person for needing more help can become a way of distancing yourself from that fear, as if believing “that will not happen to me” offers protection.

Internal ableism often grows from the same place. Admitting the full extent of your limitations can feel like giving up or confirming the very stereotypes society fears most. As a result, many disabled people hold themselves to impossible standards and, without intending to, reinforce those same standards in others.

Medical ableism adds another powerful layer to this experience. It appears in how chronically ill and disabled people are viewed and treated within the healthcare system. Medical care is often guided by the assumption that the goal is a return to a previous version of normal, rather than helping someone adapt to a changed body and build a sustainable life within new limits. When recovery to a former level of function is not possible, care may stall, shift into dismissal, or quietly withdraw.

New or worsening symptoms are frequently dismissed as “just part of the disability,” even when they represent meaningful changes in function or quality of life. Chronic pain, fatigue, neurological symptoms, and digestive issues are especially likely to be minimized.

Instead of being investigated, they are folded into an existing diagnosis and treated as something the patient should simply endure. Over time, patients learn that reporting symptoms may not lead to help and may even mark them as difficult.

Quality of life is also often undervalued in medical decision-making. The focus tends to remain on lab results, imaging, or disease markers, while daily function, comfort, and dignity are treated as secondary concerns.

For many chronically ill and disabled people, some level of pain or limitation is unavoidable. The goal is not perfection, but a life that is manageable and meaningful. When that reality is ignored, patients are left surviving rather than living.

Pain management exposes medical ableism particularly clearly. Some patients are denied necessary medication because of fear, stigma, or rigid policies that fail to account for individual circumstances. Others are labeled as drug-seeking simply for advocating for relief that would allow them to function at all.

At the same time, some patients are given pain medication dismissively, not as part of a thoughtful plan to improve quality of life, but as a way to end the appointment without engaging in deeper care. In both cases, the message is the same. The lived experience of the disabled person is not worth sustained effort.

Medical ableism reinforces the idea that disabled lives are inherently less, or that suffering is an acceptable condition of chronic illness. It discourages collaboration, dismisses patient expertise, and places unrealistic expectations on bodies that have already changed. Recognizing medical ableism requires a shift away from restoring a past that may no longer be possible and toward supporting a new normal that prioritizes safety, dignity, and quality of life.

Ableism is not just something that happens to disabled people. People with disabilities are just as likely as those without disabilities to be influenced by ableist thinking. It is so deeply woven into our culture, our work ethic, and our way of life that no one, no matter how well-meaning, is fully exempt. It is something we must all actively unlearn.

Actively unlearning ableism is not a one-time realization. It is an ongoing practice of noticing, questioning, and changing how you think, speak, and act.

It starts with awareness. This means paying attention to your own assumptions about productivity, independence, pain, and worth. When you catch yourself thinking that someone should be able to do something because you can, or because another disabled person can, pause and ask where that expectation came from. Many of these beliefs are inherited from culture, not grounded in reality.

Listening to disabled voices is essential, especially voices that differ from your own experience. Disability is not one-size-fits-all. People with different conditions, severities, resources, and support systems will have very different limits and needs. Believing people when they describe their pain, fatigue, or barriers, without comparison or judgment, is a key part of unlearning ableism.

Unlearning ableism also means redefining success. Instead of measuring worth by productivity, endurance, or independence, it means valuing sustainability, safety, dignity, and quality of life. Rest is not failure. Needing help is not weakness. Using accommodations is not giving up. These shifts are often hardest for disabled people themselves, because internal ableism is reinforced by praise for pushing through at any cost.

Another important step is examining how you respond to accessibility. When accommodations are inconvenient, slow, or expensive, do you see them as burdens or as basic inclusion? Do you view accessibility as optional or as a fundamental part of participation? Challenging those reactions, even silently, is part of the work.

Finally, unlearning ableism requires self-compassion. Everyone raised in an ableist culture will reflect it in some way. Catching yourself in ableist thinking does not make you a bad person. It gives you the opportunity to choose differently. Over time, those choices add up. Unlearning ableism is less about perfection and more about the willingness to keep noticing, learning, and adjusting.


Thoughts from the Author: There are many adaptations that help people with disabilities function in an inaccessible world. Wheelchairs, rollators, canes, crutches, speech-to-text, text-to-speech, visual enhancements, eye-tracking technology, and more. These tools are valuable and often essential. But when the world itself remains inaccessible, the presence of adaptations can give able-bodied people the false impression that accessibility has been solved.

A person in a wheelchair still cannot cross the gap to board a train. A person using a rollator still cannot climb an outdoor flight of steps with no railing, like those found at historic and grand sites across the country. Someone using crutches may be completely exhausted after navigating a gravel path with exposed roots and brush. An able-bodied person may see a wooden pier and assume it is accessible, without realizing that uneven boards can exhaust a rollator user or leave someone using a cane or crutches constantly off balance.

A temporary ramp placed over a few steps at the entrance of an otherwise accessible restaurant may be too steep for a wheelchair user to navigate independently. Relying on strangers for physical safety turns participation into a risk calculation rather than a simple outing.

Most people with disabilities understand that not everything can be made accessible. A historic colonial manor cannot have its second floor made accessible without altering the history being preserved. Narrow hallways that are too tight for wheelchairs or rollators cannot simply be fixed.

But in modern construction, accessibility is still too often treated as an afterthought. It is framed as a regulation to be met cheaply, while millions are spent on dramatic staircases and revolving front doors. Disabled access is routed to side entrances or long zigzag ramps that lead to less prominent doors, sending a clear message about who the space was designed for.

Older buildings are frequently retrofitted with small wheelchair lifts that require finding someone with a key and waiting for another person to operate the equipment. From experience, that person is often located in a part of the building the wheelchair user cannot reach without the lift. This raises serious safety concerns. In an emergency, disabled people are once again forced to rely on strangers, potentially putting multiple lives at risk because exits are inaccessible.

And yet, many people without mobility disabilities believe the world is fairly accessible now. The harder question may be whether those of us who are disabled, but not visibly or mobility impaired, sometimes hold the same belief. Ableism is not just something that happens to disabled people. It is something we all must actively unlearn.


Other articles you might enjoy include: Can I or Should I? Living With Disability, Risk, and Hard Choices – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life

The Disability Catch-22 – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life

Designer Shoes and Disability: Why Judging Others Is Obscene – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life

Can I or Should I? Living With Disability, Risk, and Hard Choices

A hostess at the hostess stand of a fancy restaurant is talking on the phone, answering a question.  Her answer is, "Yes, we're accessible, once you get past the front steps."  There are three steps patrons must get up to eat in the restaurant.   Some able-bodies people don't understand that isn't really accessible at all.

Being disabled doesn’t always mean I can’t do something. Sometimes I can but doing it would come with a cost that more able-bodied people do not see and do not understand.

The truth is this; able-bodied people rarely find themselves in a position where they have to choose between doing something they really want to do and incurring long-term pain or even an injury that could put them in the hospital.  For people with life-limiting conditions, we have to face this option often.

So, the question isn’t can I, it’s should I?  And most of the time, the honest answer is no.

Will I sometimes do it anyway? Yes. But that choice has to be rare and made with caution, because even when I can do something, I will still pay for it later with pain, fatigue, soreness, a flare, or even a long-term injury.

Sometimes the situation truly warrants that cost. If a child were injured at the bottom of a stairway, and there was no one else to help,  I would take that risk without hesitation, even knowing it could hurt me or cause me to fall. Some moments have a moral component that calls for action despite the risk.   

But that is a rare exception.  Something like visiting a new nightclub, eating at a fabulous restaurant, or any kind of optional outing that requires me to risk a fall or a broken bone is a situation where I can’t afford to take the risk. In those cases, the cost is not reasonable, and saying no is the responsible choice.

Living with a life-limiting condition means constantly weighing the risks against the consequences. Every yes has consequences.  This is not about fear or unwillingness. It is about reasoning, responsibility, and life experience. When I say no, I am not being difficult or dramatic. I am making a deliberate choice to protect my health, my safety, and my ability to function tomorrow and beyond. That is not weakness. It is wisdom learned the hard way.


Here are more reflections on living with a disability, chronic illness, or a life-limiting condition.

When Change Sneaks Up on You – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life

My Story Isn’t Public Property  – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life

Designer Shoes and Disability: Why Judging Others Is Obscene – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life

Disabled People Don’t Need Permission to Enjoy Life – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life

We’ve Been Gaslit So Long, We Gaslight Ourselves – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life.

Busting Disabled Parking Myths: Facts About Handicap Placards

A bright yellow background with colorful cursive words that say, "Don't Judge a Disability by its Visibility."

🚫 Busting Disabled Parking Myths ♿️

Disabled people are facing increasing harassment for using disabled parking placards (handicap hang tags & license plates). Let’s get the facts straight.


🔴 Myth 1: “You don’t look disabled.”

✅ Fact: There is no single “disabled look.” Many disabilities are invisible, fluctuating, or not obvious to strangers. Some conditions, such as lung or heart disease, may not be visible at all but can severely limit how far a person can safely walk.


🔴 Myth 2: “You are too young to need a disabled parking placard.”

✅ Fact: Disability has no age requirement. Children, teens, and adults of all ages can have serious medical conditions that limit mobility, endurance, or safety.


🔴 Myth 3: “Disabled parking is only for wheelchair users.”

✅ Fact: Disabled parking is for people whose disabilities affect mobility, pain, fatigue, breathing, balance, safety, or the ability to walk distances, not just wheelchair users.


🔴 Myth 4: “If you can walk, you shouldn’t have a disabled parking placard.”

✅ Fact: Being able to walk is not the same as being able to walk safely, repeatedly, or without severe pain or exhaustion.


🔴 Myth 5: “People get disabled parking placards easily.”

✅ Fact: The application process is medical, evidence-based, and often difficult. Many people are wrongly denied and must appeal.


🔴 Myth 6: “Disabled parking misuse is widespread.”

✅ Fact: Fraud exists, but it is rare. Media outrage exaggerates the issue while ignoring the real harm caused by the harassment of legitimate placard holders.


🔴 Myth 7: “Challenging people protects disabled parking.”

✅ Fact: Public policing harms disabled people, not fraudsters. Enforcement is the responsibility of local authorities, not strangers in parking lots. Disabled people do not owe anyone an explanation of their disability or why they use a disabled parking placard. If a placard is displayed, a medical professional and the state have already determined eligibility.


⚠️Disabled parking is an accessibility tool, not a privilege. Trust the system, respect the placard, and let disabled people move through the world without fear of confrontation. Disabled parking exists to reduce harm and increase access, not to invite judgment or interrogation. Most disabled people are already navigating pain, fatigue, and medical uncertainty. The last thing they need is to defend their legitimacy in a parking lot. A little restraint and respect go a long way. ‼️


Other

articles you might enjoy:

Designer Shoes and Disability: Why Judging Others Is Obscene – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life

Disabled People Don’t Need Permission to Enjoy Life – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life

Disability Benefits Myths & Facts – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life

My Story Isn’t Public Property  – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life

When Accessibility is Treated Like an Option – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life


My Story Isn’t Public Property 

Stop Asking, “What Happened to You?”

Image of a man slumped over in his wheelchair, eyes downcast, as a smiling female reporter holds a microphone towards him and asks, "So, what happened to you?"

Have you ever noticed that when you live with a visible disability, total strangers sometimes feel entitled to ask, “So, what happened to you?” Not trying to be rude here, but believe it or not, I don’t owe my medical history and life story to anyone, least of all strangers.

It’s as if people see a disabled person and immediately think, “How terrible! I wonder what happened?” Then, instead of keeping that thought private, they actually ask. You would never ask such a personal question to a non-disabled person you’ve just met, so why is it considered acceptable when the person is disabled?

Too often, people see us as broken or as the subjects of some tragic story they’re curious to hear. Or they want an inspiring tale of triumph over tragedy, when in reality, these experiences are deeply personal and sometimes too personal to share even with close friends, much less with strangers or casual acquaintances.

Let’s normalize respecting boundaries and not treating disabled people like public stories waiting to be told.


Author’s Note: In writing this article, I made an important realization about myself. I have been so conditioned to just accept this intrusion that I not only answer them, but tend to blab my entire life journey. I overshare with strangers, I think, because I still feel the need I’ve felt all my life — to ‘prove’ that I am worthy. I am now making a conscious effort to stop doing this!

So, I’ve been trying to think of some things I could say to a person who asks this intrusive type of question, that aren’t rude, but that make the point that their question is inappropriate and that I have no intention of answering it.

Here are a few I thought of:

“That’s actually pretty personal. I’d rather not get into it.”

“I appreciate your concern, but that’s not something I talk about with strangers.”

“It’s a long story, and not one I usually share.”

“That’s actually a really personal question for disabled people. Most of us prefer not to be asked.”

“I know you probably meant well, but that’s not something strangers should ask.”

“I’m happy to chat, but not about my medical history.”

“Just so you know, asking a disabled person what happened can feel invasive.”

If you have any other suggestions, please leave me a comment. I’d love to know what you think!


Take a moment to explore other articles about living with disabilities or chronic illnesses by Jan Mariet.

Designer Shoes and Disability: Why Judging Others Is Obscene – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life

Disabled People Don’t Need Permission to Enjoy Life – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life


Have you ever had a stranger ask you an intrusive question like “What happened to you?” Leave a comment and let’s create a space where our stories remind others they’re not alone.

Designer Shoes and Disability: Why Judging Others Is Obscene

A woman recently shared that she was accused of “scamming the system” because, in her wheelchair, she wore designer shoes. What her critics didn’t know, and didn’t care to ask, was that the shoes were a gift from her daughter.

A decorative image of a wheelchair user, a white, middle-aged woman, wearing stylish shoes with confidence, representing dignity and self-worth. She is leaving a medical office.

This kind of judgment isn’t rare. Disabled people are often scrutinized for daring to own or enjoy anything that seems “too nice.” A phone, a manicure, a night out, or yes, even a pair of designer shoes, becomes “evidence” that they must be cheating the system — as if disability benefits are supposed to buy only misery.

Let’s be clear: disabled people don’t have to live in visible desperation to be considered “worthy” of help. They deserve a life, one with comfort, dignity, and moments of joy. And those benefits people resent so much? They rarely cover even basic living costs, much less luxuries.

What’s truly obscene is the assumption that strangers can judge who is or isn’t “really” disabled based on a snapshot in time. Many disabilities are invisible. Many people are dealing with mental health conditions they don’t disclose because of stigma. So, when someone says, “I know she’s not disabled because she looks fine” or “he can walk, so he must be faking,” they’re not exposing fraud; they’re exposing their own ignorance.

No one owes the public an explanation of their medical history. The Social Security Administration already requires extensive documentation and verification before granting benefits. If they’ve been approved, that’s the end of the conversation.

Instead of policing how disabled people live, dress, or smile, maybe we should ask why society is so uncomfortable with the idea of disabled people having anything good in their lives.

Because the truth is simple: Joy is not evidence of fraud.


If you enjoyed this article, you might enjoy Disabled People Don’t Need Permission to Enjoy Life – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life