Being disabled doesn’t always mean I can’t do something. Sometimes I can but doing it would come with a cost that more able-bodied people do not see and do not understand.
The truth is this; able-bodied people rarely find themselves in a position where they have to choose between doing something they really want to do and incurring long-term pain or even an injury that could put them in the hospital. For people with life-limiting conditions, we have to face this option often.
So, the question isn’t can I, it’s should I? And most of the time, the honest answer is no.
Will I sometimes do it anyway? Yes. But that choice has to be rare and made with caution, because even when I can do something, I will still pay for it later with pain, fatigue, soreness, a flare, or even a long-term injury.
Sometimes the situation truly warrants that cost. If a child were injured at the bottom of a stairway, and there was no one else to help, I would take that risk without hesitation, even knowing it could hurt me or cause me to fall. Some moments have a moral component that calls for action despite the risk.
But that is a rare exception. Something like visiting a new nightclub, eating at a fabulous restaurant, or any kind of optional outing that requires me to risk a fall or a broken bone is a situation where I can’t afford to take the risk. In those cases, the cost is not reasonable, and saying no is the responsible choice.
Living with a life-limiting condition means constantly weighing the risks against the consequences. Every yes has consequences. This is not about fear or unwillingness. It is about reasoning, responsibility, and life experience. When I say no, I am not being difficult or dramatic. I am making a deliberate choice to protect my health, my safety, and my ability to function tomorrow and beyond. That is not weakness. It is wisdom learned the hard way.
Here are more reflections on living with a disability, chronic illness, or a life-limiting condition.
When Change Sneaks Up on You – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life
My Story Isn’t Public Property – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life
Designer Shoes and Disability: Why Judging Others Is Obscene – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life
Disabled People Don’t Need Permission to Enjoy Life – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life
We’ve Been Gaslit So Long, We Gaslight Ourselves – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life.