Life didn’t stop
when you left.
I made a new plan,
headed off
for a new adventure.
Planned a new life
without you.
And when things fell apart,
spun out of control,
sideswiped me
with a shocking jolt,
all I could think of
was how much I wished
you could be there.
And the emptiness
hit me
in ways I never imagined
it could.
But I did, as I always do,
what had to be done
as wave after wave
of devastation
rolled over me.
I reached out,
desperately trying
to find one steady hand
and found nothing
to steady me.
I moved on.
I took steps each day
that led nowhere
in particular.
I trudged on,
but still haven’t found
my way out.
I remember holding
your hand,
telling you I understood
it was time for you to go.
I remember telling you,
Don’t worry about me,
promising you
I’ll be fine.
In case you are watching,
I refuse to be
anything but fine,
no matter how out of control
my world is.
In so many ways,
I’m glad you aren’t here
to see my world
spin apart.
I’m so glad you left
before cancer destroyed
what I was building.
You couldn’t have borne it.
I couldn’t have watched
you try.
I am glad you left
me when you did.
How did the universe
know what lay
in store for me?
I have fought
until it broke
my soul.
I carry scars
I never believed
I could survive.
And I have memories
of you
that sometimes help.
2/3/2025
More poetry by Jan Mariet
My Mother, Myself – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life
When Your Voice Fell Silent – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life
Time to Rise Again (Poetry) – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life
Nobody’s First Choice (Poetry) – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life