Today, I’m resting. I don’t feel well. For a few days my right arm has been aching (probably because I’ve been doing too much on the computer, which is hard with my tendon damage from enthesitis.) I’ve been trying to do a lot of graphic design (something I love but haven’t been able to do for ages because of my psoriatic arthritis.) Yesterday, I basically took a break from the computer to try and let my arm recover.
However, I decided to work on my Bird of Paradise plant yesterday late afternoon, just as something to do. I needed to deadhead old blooms, and cut back leaves — because Birds of Paradise can grow and spread so quickly that you have to remove stems on a fairly regular basis. I had to put on special gardening sleeves and leather gloves (the leaves from a Bird of Paradise are sharp and can slice your skin easily, and my skin is very fragile.)
Halfway through, I realize it was too much. My arm hurt all the way up to my shoulder. I wanted to finish pruning the plant. I did a little more, and then did something I rarely do — I stopped even though it was only half done. I thought I had stopped in time, but unfortunately, with PsA and enthesitis, by the time you realize you’ve done too much, you are way past the point where stopping will take care of things.
I was thirsty when I went inside, so I got a bottle of water. I have a special opener for water bottles because my hand is too weak to open them. Every time I lifted the water bottle, my right hand shook so violently I couldn’t even drink out of the bottle. (I finally set it on the table, put a straw in it, and just bent over and sipped the water without touching the bottle, because I kept spilling it and dropping it.)
I had a flashback to when I was first diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis and enthesitis, and how I dropped everything, broke so many plates and glasses (before I started using plastic cups and paper plates) and couldn’t even cut my own food or use a fork. It made me realize how far I’ve come. Other than this episode (which is called a “flare”) I’ve been so much more able in the past 2-3 years when it comes to cutting food, holding a cup, and not dropping a plate.
This is a minor setback brought on by feeling good and doing too much. I have no doubts that with a few days rest and compression, it will subside. When I think back to how bad it used to be, I’m “almost” grateful for this reminder of how far I’ve come.
I may still have a lot of limitations when it comes to physical things, but I think back to 5 years ago, to how bad it was, and I realize what a blessing my biologic is, and how much it enables me to do. Sometimes, pain is (almost) a good thing.
