Month: April 2026

Surviving Cancer

There is something people who’ve battled cancer rarely say. “I would have been better off dying from cancer than living as a cancer survivor.” You may hate me for saying this aloud, but I know there are others in my position, holding the same thoughts they feel they are not allowed to say.

We tell ourselves that we would be ungrateful to even think such a thing, and so we keep it inside. Cancer treatment may have kept us alive, but for some of us, it also left us living with losses and limitations that have reshaped our lives in ways we never expected.

The result is a complicated reality where gratitude for being alive exists alongside a deep sense of grief for the life we once had or believed we would return to. It’s a hard duality to live with.

Please tell me there are others who struggle with this.

Here are responses from fellow cancer survivors.

“There is a tightrope one walks, with trauma in one hand and gratitude in the other. Medical PTSD is real and suffering is real. I don’t tell myself anything about being ungrateful. Yes, my life is very different in many ways. I have dark days. I see a counselor. I participate in a grief group. Please don’t feel shame or blame. Nobody “hates” you for your cancer journey. If I was physically suffering to the point that life was unbearable, I would do assisted suicide.“

“You are NOT alone!! It seems the side effects of treatment and surgery are (in some ways) worse than the cancer itself!! Keep keeping on. I support you.“

“It’s okay to feel this way, doesn’t mean you’re not thankful for life. There is that fine line where many of us make a choice of is enough enough for treatments or I’m still fighting. The aftermath of treatment is different for us all and how our bodies hold up.“

“Every single day. If not for my 3 girls, I’d have given up a while ago. I live with an ileostomy, debilitating pain, constant fatigue and depression. I fought to live. But not this way.”

“I struggle with this every day.“

“I do. I’m absolutely glad I’m still alive, but there are most definitely days where I’m so miserable and depressed about where I am now that I have asked myself that question a few times… Was it worth it? Yes and not always. I would absolutely do it again, I just wish I had known how much different I would be after it was all said and done.“

“Every. Single. Day.“

“I’m going thru this everyday now…. I felt better at 3 months post treatment the i do almost 1 year post treatment. My exhaustion is debilitating, my body hurts all day every day, the doctors won’t listen and just push u off on other doctors “

“Not to the point of not wanting to live with cancer any longer. It’s been a long, hard struggle…for me 6 months and not done yet. Hospitalizations, near death experiences, and all the rest. I keep the cards sent me for encouragement…keep them in a special book. It helps at the low times. At the low times I try to remember what it was about life I treasured so much. “

“Yes, it alters your life. I am 26 years out from Stage 4. My doctor was honest with me and told me I would hurt every day for the rest of my life. He said he was sorry, but I was alive. You have to learn to do things in moderation. I can tell you some things improve over time, and you have to change your habits and expectations. You have to find new things that bring you joy.” 

“OMG..you stated exactly how I feel. I am so wracked with issues that I barely recognize myself. The fatigue is unbelievable. NO ONE understands!! Bless you on your journey.“

“You’re not the only one who grieves the body they once had and the person they were before treatment. I do, too, although my side effects are minimal compared to many others and I feel grateful for that at the same time. It’s complicated and challenging but hey, that’s how life is, I guess, so I keep trying to make the best of what is now.” 

Just Passing Through the Day

I wake up when the sunlight
hits the windowsill,
but there’s nothing waiting for me.

The sun rises, so I get up.
The world moves,
so I follow along,
not because I want to,
but because that’s what you do.

Everything feels quiet,
but not peaceful or calm.
It just feels empty.

I’m not really living,
just existing,
just passing time
that ticks so slowly,
waiting
for the next hour to strike.

I smile sometimes,
because when I do, people stop
and pass the time of day.

I say I’m fine,
so you’ll believe it.
I laugh,
so you’ll stop asking how I am.
I smile,
so you won’t worry.

I miss the days when life felt real,
when I didn’t feel alone even in a crowd,
when doing things on my own
felt natural and empowered,
not strange and lonely.

Now it’s just me,
and the silence
that follows me everywhere.

I keep going,
not because I feel okay,
but because I don’t know how to stop.

-Jan Mariet  4/7/2026

Dynamic Disabilities

Have you ever wondered why someone with a disability can seem fine one moment and not the next?

A dynamic disability is a condition that does not stay the same from day to day, or even hour to hour. Instead of having a steady level of ability or limitation, a person’s symptoms can shift in ways that are often unpredictable. One day, or even one part of the day, they may function fairly well. At another time, the same person may struggle with pain, fatigue, weakness, dizziness, or cognitive fog. This is not inconsistency or a lack of effort. It is the natural pattern of a body that does not regulate itself in a stable way.

In everyday life, this can look confusing to others. A person might wake up in the morning stiff and in significant pain, improve slightly as the day goes on, and then become completely exhausted by midafternoon. On another day, they might be able to run a few errands or meet a friend for lunch, but the next day they may be unable to get out of bed or drive safely. Someone might walk into a store on their own, only to need to sit down or leave early twenty minutes later because their symptoms suddenly worsen. To an outside observer, it can look like they are fine one minute and not fine the next, but what is really happening is a normal fluctuation in their condition.

These changes are often influenced by things that are not visible to others. Pain levels can rise and fall. Fatigue can build quickly, especially after activity. Environmental factors like heat, cold, noise, or stress can make symptoms worse. Even something as simple as going out to lunch may come with a cost, such as needing to rest for the remainder of the day or the following day. Many people with dynamic disabilities carefully plan their activities, knowing that doing one thing may mean they are unable to do something else later.

Because of this, people with dynamic disabilities are often misunderstood. Others may say, “You were able to do that yesterday,” or “You seemed fine earlier,” without realizing that ability is not consistent. Many of these conditions are also invisible, which adds to the confusion. A person may look completely fine on the outside while dealing with significant internal symptoms. This can lead to unfair assumptions that they are exaggerating, unreliable, or choosing when to function, when in reality they are constantly adjusting to what their body will allow at any given moment.

Living with a dynamic disability means living without a predictable baseline. Each day requires reassessing what is possible, making decisions based on current symptoms, and often dealing with the frustration of plans that have to change. It is not about what a person wants to do, but what their body is capable of doing in that moment. Understanding this can make a meaningful difference in how we respond to and support people whose abilities are not the same from one day to the next.