Healing from Trauma and Reclaiming Boundaries
When you come from a world shaped by trauma, you learn to explain and justify everything so others don’t misunderstand you or get upset with you. You are always bracing for the explosion of anger, dismay, or indignation. You assume their response might be to tear you down, no matter how carefully you choose your words or how hard you try to do everything “right.”
This is the reality of some forms of trauma. You are kept off balance because you never know whether you will be appreciated, dismissed, or attacked. That instability is often intentional on the part of those who traumatized you, even if they will never admit it.
As you heal, you begin to understand that you only need to explain yourself when you choose to. You learn that how others perceive your truth is up to them. And if there is misunderstanding, the people meant to be in your circle will ask, not assume, not explode, and not tear you down.
So when you feel the urge to over explain, to justify ordinary actions, or to soothe ruffled feathers before they are even ruffled, pause. Notice how far you have come. Remind yourself that you don’t just need people in your life. You need the right people. The people who listen. The people who respect you. The right people.
Other articles by Jan Mariet that you might enjoy:
When Change Sneaks Up on You – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life
A Small Tablecloth from France – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life
Why We Stay Silent – Jan Mariet’s A Day in the Life
